Tips for Dating with Diabetes
Dating with diabetes can seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be! It’s not that much different than dating without diabetes (I imagine, I was diagnosed at 10 so never got to be diabetes-free when dating), and it’s important to remember that you’re in control with how much you want to disclose, and when. My biggest fear when I started dating was that a potential partner might view me as weird or unattractive because of my diabetes devices, the constant beeping, or the accidental blood smears everywhere from finger pricks (this was pre-CGMs).
I’m happy to report that my dating fears turned out to be unfounded, for the most part. I did encounter a few people who asked a ton of questions and wanted to really get into the weeds with my diabetes experience, sometimes more than I felt like discussing, but nobody was ever mean or insensitive.
I’m in no way claiming to be an expert at dating or relationships, but below are some thoughts and tips for managing dating with diabetes!
It’s always up to you to decide if you want to tell someone that you have diabetes when you first start dating. I always did before first dates so there wouldn’t be any awkwardness when it came to meals and giving insulin or anything else diabetes-related that might have come up, but if you’d prefer to keep it a secret for a while, do so!
I’ve always preferred to give a heads up about the potential beeping during a date before it comes up. This way it didn’t seem like I was being rude and having my phone on or out at the table.
It goes without saying, but a good potential partner will take a cue from you in terms of talking about your diabetes. A few questions is fine, especially if you offer to answer them, but having to give a lecture on endocrinology is a major turn off and probably a red flag, in my opinion.
If you see yourself continuing to meet up with someone and go on more dates, it might be helpful to talk them through what a low blood sugar looks like for you, in case it comes up. I’m sure they’d be understanding and helpful if it did, but it can be a bit scary from the outside looking in, especially if you experience things like zoning out or losing consciousness often.
Try to suggest the activity for your first date or two so you know it’s something you’ll be comfortable with and ideally can manage easily from a diabetes POV. Whether it’s a restaurant you know works with your blood sugars or a walk you’ve done a hundred times, limiting variables will help you focus on the date, not dealing with diabetes drama.
When it comes to getting ~physical~, decide by yourself in advance whether you want to keep all of your diabetes gear on or not. I’ve always opted to remove any tubed pumps I’ve had during the encounter so we weren’t both getting tangled in cords, but don’t feel pressured to take anything off if you’d prefer to keep it on. It’s usually easy to place a pump alongside your body so it doesn’t cause any major issues.
Have ample snacks and low supplies available throughout your date, and in your nightstand if applicable. It’s nice to not have to run around looking for things in the heat of the moment.
If you’re just starting out dating with diabetes, don’t worry! There are so many amazing people out there who will accept your health conditions without a second thought. I dated my husband for five years before getting married and we had many “fun” diabetes experiences together, including a stomach bug that sent me to the hospital for a week, a broken pump that caused us to return home early from a road trip, and about a billion low blood sugars. He’s always willing to wake up in the middle of the night and run downstairs to get me more juice, and I’ll always be grateful! I was open about my diabetes from the very beginning and I think it helped to foster a sense of communication and trust since it was something that impacted everything I did and takes up a lot of brain space, but I also think he would have been fine if I had opted to wait and tell him later on. Ultimately, it’s entirely up to you about how you manage your diabetes when dating, but just don’t be scared of getting out there!
