How to support someone living with diabetes

If you’re here because someone you know or love was recently diagnosed with diabetes, or you’ve become close to someone who has diabetes, just know that I love you right off the bat because you’re clearly an amazing person. Your relationship with someone who has diabetes—platonic or otherwise—certainly won’t revolve around diabetes, but it’s always a nice touch to be considerate of their needs and learn a little bit about the condition.

Whether you’re a partner, friend, or even a family member of someone living with diabetes, here are some of my favorite tips and tricks that can help you support them!

Having friends who understand and can support you while living with diabetes makes all the difference!

Follow their lead

As diabetes is a chronic illness that impacts every part of our lives, it’s important to follow the lead of the person with diabetes to determine their comfort level and meet them where they’re at. If they’re super open about living with diabetes, you can take that as a sign to politely ask questions if you want to. If they never bring it up or go out of their way to be discreet when injecting insulin or doing other diabetes tasks, I’d take that as a sign to let them bring the topic up if they want to discuss it with you. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a diabetes-free evening or wanting to keep things private, only to be asked “what is THAT??” the second someone catches sight of a diabetes device and then be forced to explain. Try to avoid this whenever possible and it will be greatly appreciated.

Offer advice or suggestions sparingly

At the top of the list of things every diabetic dislikes is people giving random, often misinformed, advice or suggestions that we probably don’t need. While we know it comes from a good place, most people with diabetes know their bodies, patterns, and needs well and will turn to other people with diabetes or our healthcare teams for advice if we need it. We know you mean well, but please hold off on recommending things like adding cinnamon to our coffee to stabilize blood sugars, eating an apple instead of candy if we’re low, or suggesting that we should “just eat something!” when our blood sugar is high (the opposite of what we probably need). If you feel strongly that your advice might be helpful please go ahead and offer it, but do so gently as we get a lot of advice!

Try not to judge

As a friend, family member, or partner, this might be the biggest piece of advice I can give. Try not to judge your loved one with diabetes, regardless of if their actions make sense to you. That means no “should you be eating that?!” type of questions, no snide comments about them choosing to relax vs. doing something active, and no remarks about why we haven’t scheduled an appointment to learn about a new treatment option you saw on social media. I’m sure it can be hard to watch someone you love with a chronic illness struggle or do something you think isn’t the best choice, but the quickest way you can damage your relationship with them is to be judgmental of how they manage their condition.

If you have real concerns, first evaluate if you’re the right person to bring it up to them. If so, do it gently by having an open-minded conversation in a low-pressure setting, and recognize that they might have reasons for doing things a certain way even if it seems backward to you. A lot of thought usually goes into our health decisions, even if it might not seem like it!

Be prepared for diabetes-induced mood swings from time to time

File this away as more of an FYI, but trust me when I say that there will be mood swings from time to time that are induced by blood sugars, and we can’t control them. Low blood sugars zap us of all energy. Sometimes they are minor and we can quickly bounce back, but other times they can completely throw off the day and basically force us to lie on the couch for a while. Same goes with high blood sugars, but these typically result in a generally grumpy mood because it feels like there’s molasses in our veins. I find my patience is thin and I’m not my normal self when my blood sugar is high. These aren’t daily occurrences, but if you notice a sudden mood shift, there’s a good chance it could be a blood sugar thing (although I recommend not asking if it is, as it can be like a red flag to a bull!).

Lend a supportive ear

Diabetes—along with many invisible chronic illnesses—is not a walk in the park. It’s 24/7 hard work with no days off. Most days it’s background noise while we go through the rest of our lives, but inevitably something goes wrong and our whole day gets derailed. It could be a low blood sugar that happened at a bad time, a less-than-stellar doctor’s visit, or just the sudden reminder that this disease is (for now) forever. It can be a lot to carry, and probably the biggest thing you can do is be a supportive shoulder to lean on during the tougher days. This isn’t the time to provide advice and try to problem solve, but just listening can be so helpful in making everything feel a little less heavy.

Engage in diabetes events or activities with us

As with any relationship, showing up is so key. If your person is doing a diabetes fundraiser, support them where you can! If they’re sharing their story at an advocacy event, sit in the stands and listen or help them practice in advance. If they need a hand taking off a diabetes device in an awkward spot or help with a step of their diabetes process that they’re comfortable involving you with, offer a hand (my husband is chief of removing my Dexcom transmitter from my old sensors when I do changes!). Another nice idea is recognizing International Diabetes Day (November 14) with a card or something else that they would appreciate, or celebrating their diaversary (the anniversary of their diagnosis) if you know when it is. Knowing we’re not in this alone is such a nice feeling and will go a really long way in helping to strengthen your relationship.